Like my lucky horse shoes?

Maybe you didn’t know that many of my over 50 corny joke ebooks are available for Kindle on Amazon.com. And even more interesting is the fact that horse racing corny jokes is one of my best sellers. Who would have guessed.

So I decided to go with the flow and I have expaned into horses and taken many of my horse corny jokes and turned them into funny horse gifts and other fun horse related items. The new website is www.humor4horselovers.com

I’ll be sure to tell you more later, because I was one of the lucky little girls that got that pony they always dreamed of. All right, so it wasn’t really a pony. It was huge enormous hores-I was eleven.. But more on that later. Right now go check out the horse shoe flip flops.

Why is there so much drinking in college?

It’s all part of the school SPIRIT (liquor)

Does military experience benefit a college student?

It depends on the MAJOR

Preview this ebook and many others

now availabe for Kindle

at Amazon.com

LIKE us on Facebook Receive a free corny joke ebook

President’s Day

Two American presidents were born this month, but of course you know that. You are probably still young enough to remember the days when we used to celebrate both Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday. Now that they changed it to President’s Day so things will never be the same. In a few years, people won’t even remember Lincoln or Washington. All they will know is that it’s President’s Day. Future generations could be thinking that they are receiving a day off to honor the presidents of General Motors, Pepsi, or Google.

But enough about presidents. This is blog of absolutely no importance, and since presidents Washington and Lincoln were pretty influential people, I suppose I had better change the topic to something a little less important. . .  I know. Let’s talk about vice-presidents instead.

Vice-president

Why anyone would want to be the vice-president of anything is hard for me understand. First of all, you never get to be number one. (Unless someone dies or is fired, and then you get the title by default, so it still never really counts). As vice-president, it is your duty to proudly accept the position of second place. You do as much work as the president, maybe even more, but you get none of the glory. You are the second most qualified person for the job, yet no one will ever remember your name. If you think I am kidding – what were the names of the vice-presidents of Washington and Lincoln?

I’ll research that and get back to you, but in the mean time, can you tell me what is up with the title of vice! Isn’t a vice something your dad uses in the garage to squeeze things real tight, exerting pressure from both sides? If I stretch my imagination, I can see how that applies to the title of vice-president, because they are under a lot of pressure. But wait. There is an alternate definition of the word and I’m not kidding. Word for word, here is the first entry in the dictionary for the word vice: “an evil act or habit.”

Wow, what a title. And just think, big corporations hand out the title of vice-president all over the place; vice-president of operations, vice-president of sales, executive VP, etc. All right so maybe I am being a bit harsh but the other definition of vice isn’t that great either. It simply lists the word “subordinate.” See I told you, I can’t understand why anyone would actually want to be a vice-president. I’ve just picked on all of the hard working vice-presidents out there, and like always, they will have to just sit there and take it. But don’t feel too bad. After a while, no one ever really remembers the names of presidents either. Now the names of characters on television, that is something people remember.

And just for your information, John Adams was Washington’s VP and Andrew Johnson stepped in when Lincoln was assassinated. So to all you vice-presidents out there, I would like to say, thank you whatever your name is.

An Ultra-sound

Why did the gardener decorate the baby’s room with green plants shrubs and leaves?

Because it was a NURSERY

Preview this ebook and many others
now availabe for Kindle
at Amazon.com

LIKE us on Facebook Receive a free corny joke ebook

Hearts, chocolates & flowers 

February 14th is a bit commercialized. Florists make a fortune. Candy manufacturers go through tons of sugar. Jewelry stores are fully staffed. Hallmark isles are bare. Restaurants are fully booked. The majority of shoppers in lingerie stores are men. And grown-ups are not the only ones spreading the love. Hearts, cards, and candy are exchanged in our schools too. Has everyone gone crazy or is there really that much love to go around?

Love is grand but Valentine’s Day is about more than that. It’s one day of the year when you put yourself second, and send positive thoughts, emotions and/or gifts to everyone in your life that matters. Like Christmas except on Valentine’s Day, it’s the thought that really does count.

HEARTS - Let me explain it this way. Hearts, chocolate and flowers are symbols of Valentine’s Day for a reason. They all represent love, but love is complicated and comes in many different forms. Hearts are the LIKE part of love. When you like something, it makes you feel good and comfortable. You enjoy it, but it’s not a huge part of your life. That is what makes all of the Valentine heart stuff such a popular thing in school. Hearts represent puppy love, crushes, and things that make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Like is love without commitment.

CHOCOLATE - Next is the Valentine symbol of chocolates. To me, chocolate represents true love. Chocolate makes you fat and rots your teeth, but people give it for Valentine’s Day anyway. Chocolate tastes good, makes you feel special, and is a real treat. Like love, this is something you should enjoy and appreciate but not take for granted. And when you give someone chocolates you are telling them that even if it makes them fat, or gives them cavities, you will love them anyway. This love also applies to family, friends, partners and neighbors because when you tell someone you love them, it means that you have made a commitment. But since it’s chocolate, instead of diamonds, you don’t have to worry about a pre nup.

FLOWERS - And now for the flowers! Flowers represent passion. Their main purpose in life is to look pretty, yet flowers have sacrificed their lives so they can sit in our homes and inspire us to find the beauty in the world around us. Passion is love on steroids. It means that you are inspired to make the world a better place. Whatever you are passionate about, a person, place, or thing, the beauty of this type of love means that you want to share what you love with everyone in the entire world.

So this Valentine’s Day, acknowledge the people you like, appreciate the people you love, and embrace your passion with energy and joy. As for me, I can’t send you flowers or chocolates, but I’d love it if you would LIKE me on Facebook. That way I can send you a humorous ebook because making people smile is what I am passionate about.

Happy Valentine’s Day.
Susan Sherbert

PASSION fruit

Why did the chipmunk have a sad Valentine’s Day?

Because there was a lovers “Squirrel” (quarrel)

Prieview this ebook and many others
now availabe for Kindle
at Amazon.com

LIKE us on Facebook Receive a free corny joke ebook

What type of diets work best in the Jewelry business?

They like weight WATCHERS

What does the fashion industry look for in a diet plan?

FITness

Why do some people find bodybuilding to be almost a religious experience?

For them, it’s all about the muscle MASS

Why are exercise classes a good way to lose weight

Because it’s a smart MOVE

Exciting news. Our ebooks will soon be available on Amazon.

Plus we are working on a great new business Facebook page to launch  Affiggle.com - our new website that mixes business and humor to help you connect with your online social network. Come leave a comment or better yet… follow, like, or subscribe.

Diets in January are just not natural

I don’t know if anyone has ever done a study to see how many people actually promise to get in shape in January but I’m sure the figures would be pretty high. But the question I need to ask is, why January?  Who in their right mind would choose to start a diet at the beginning of snow season? Every other animal on the planet knows that winter is a time to get fat and hibernate, not exercise and eat right. Yet for some reason human beings, the most intelligent of the species, have decided to ignore their basic instincts. They plan their diets around a man made calendar instead of following the rules of Mother Nature. Well, maybe that explains why so many people fail to keep their New Year’s resolution to lose weight – because exercising in winter is just not natural.

Survival of the fittest -Of course people need to stay in shape, and I did a blog about winter weight loss last January, so let me ask you a different question. Why do you think we are so obsessed with attractive people, and how come “regular” looking people don’t make covers of too many magazines? Recently I discovered the answer to that question and, again, it goes back to our basic instincts. It’s the old survival of the fittest rule. We are instinctively drawn to people who look strong and appear physically fit.

Now that makes sense and it’s even kind of motivating but once again, we let our intelligence get in the way. We start looking for the easy way out and we try to cheat the system. We know that we are on the top of the food chain, so it doesn’t really matter if we get fat and lazy. It’s not like we have to run for our lives and we certainly don’t even have to break a sweat searching for food. Besides who needs good looks when you have a great personality!

A look in the mirror – Are you beginning to see why losing weight has become such a difficult task? Well, let’s throw in another human creation to complicate the situation. Mirror Mirror on the wall, it’s not my reflection after all. Mirrors, or even scales, have no place when it comes to weight loss. They only distort reality and confuse the situation. A thin person can look in the mirror and think they are fat, and a large man can stare at his reflection and still see the image of his old football days. Other animals aren’t self critical and they don’t judges themselves based on irrelevant data, yet in every bathroom in America, hangs a mirror (and probably a scale too). The thing is, if you are overweight or out of shape you know it. You can feel it. Your body will tell you when it’s time to slim down if you would only listen to your natural instincts and stop judging yourself by the reflection you see in a man-made mirror.

And finally, the biggest cover up in our weight loss dilemma – clothes. Animals don’t wear clothes. They just grow thick hair and get fat to help them stay warm. Then as the weather gets warmer, they naturally shed the hair along with the added few pounds. It sounds so simple so why can’t humans do that too? Because what little body hair we have is shaved on a daily basis, and then we layer our bodies with clothes . We do everything in our power to control our environment so that nature fits into our lifestyle, not the other way around. So if it is cold outside and the calendar tells us that we should be snuggling by a warm fire, well that’s just too bad. As thinking human beings we don’t let a little thing like instinct get in our way. We are perfectly capable of keeping a New Year’s resolution to get in shape – at least for the first few weeks of January that is.

What type of lettuce should you eat
when you start a diet in January?

 ICEberg

‘Tis the Season

 Is ’Tis even a word? And the season is winter so why is everyone so jolly? Yet none of that matters because the whole thing will be over soon and we will be moving on to diet season.

 But hey wait a minute it’s NOT diet season yet, and Santa isn’t due for his big entrance for another few days. Besides, I haven’t even given you my gift yet. Yes I did say gift.

 The holidays wouldn’t be complete with out a bit of humor, but this year I have a big surprise. Huge really! The online marketing website that we have been working on is finally ready. Yeah!! So my gift to you this year is something that is guaranteed to make you smile*. If you click on the Christmas Corny Joke image it will take you to our awesome website where you can download a FREE copy of the Christmas ebook. Merry Holidays.

 Genuinely, Susan Sherbert

Why did Mrs. Claus insist that Santa Take a ubrella?
Because of the RAIN, DEAR (reindeer)

Get in the holiday SPIRIT with some humor about wine.

We are in the final stages of our new online marketing coupon business Affiggle.com. It’s based on the years of humor and corny jokes from these newsletters.  Here is a sample of the humor and jokes from our wine ebook. More details about the website but humor  first.

A holiday WHINE

How am I supposed to write a humor piece about something that tastes terrible? I truly don’t understand why people like to drink wine. The first time you taste any kind of alcohol it tastes bitter and horrible. It’s a bit like coffee, but coffee gives you a false sense that it may taste okay because it smells delightful. And even if you don’t like coffee, you can drown it in cream and sugar so you can at least swallow the stuff. With wine, not a chance!

I don’t know why you can’t add cream or sugar to wine, but apparently it’s just not done. If you drink tea you are allowed to add honey, lemon, and or sugar. But as for wine – nothing. You have to drink it straight.  You are not even supposed to add ice. Nooo! Wine has to be just the right temperature, and even then that varies depending upon the color. And can you imagine serving hot wine from a mug. Even if hot was somehow allowed, you would never, ever, get away with serving wine from a mug. Wine apparently tastes better out of glass, and again there are separate rules for white and red.

If you ask me, it’s all just crazy, crazy, crazy. Wine tastes bad, no matter what shape of glass you put it in. And why shouldn’t it – wine is nothing more than fermented grapes, – in other words, rotting. It’s a bit like blue cheese. Why anyone chooses to eat moldy food, and drink spoiled grapes, is beyond me. Oh, wait. Yeah, I think I understand it now.  In order to fully appreciate rotting food and fermented drink, maybe you have to be a bit tipsy to enjoy it.

Original Corny Jokes From our wine ebook found at Affiggle.com.

What kind of wine should you serve on a first date?

Blush

———————————–

Where do men go to get away from their nagging wives?

The WHINE bar

————————————-

How come it’s impossible to get in trouble when you drink non-alcoholic wine?

Because there is never any PROOF

More about Affiggle.com and marketing coupons.